The Fear
Posted by Paul Farrell | May 12, 2010 | Comments Off
I can’t remember when the fear started. Probably in my teenage years but possibly it was as late as the year in my early twenties when my grandmother, my uncle and a family friend all died of cancer.
But with the fear there has always been the desire… the thrill. What if it came true? The experience of life cut short in sweet agony.
So there were false starts. The persistant stomach pains that were explained as gluten intolerence. A suspicious mole that was never going to amount to more than a slight rash.
But then, a persistant cough that didn’t shift with antibiotics, A shadow on a chest x-ray. A complete lack of appetite. A biopsy. And then a diagnosis – Germ Cell Cancer with further tests to see if there are any other tumours.
The jackpot.
And the fear? The fear is… gone but replaced with further worries. What will the chemo do to me? Will I ever feel hungry again?
What if I survive?
Paul Farrell is our resident cancer journalist. He will be with us until he is gone.