Election Night Suicide Live Blog
Join us as the results come in, for absolute razor’s edge coverage of the end of Noel’s short, sexy life. 20.06 Got the razor blades, the chloroform, the plastic bag and the ligature. I’m all set. 20.23 Going to go to the pub for a last drink. Spot of Dutch courage, too, if I’m honest. [...]
Noel’s Election Twenty-Ten Drillbit Part Three
With only hours to go before polls open, CMF endorses its pick for the 2010 election. It seemed so sweet, didn’t it? The possibility of a profound change lay thick on the air like sweet arson smoke as, for the first time in a generation, the Lib Dems became Her Majesty’s Loyal Opposition. Nick Clegg [...]
Manchester Egg Live Blog
CMF’s resident food-i-mentalist takes the latest northern delicacy for a ‘taste’ drive. Say what you like about Mancunian cretin Ben Holden and his ridiculous invention, the Manchester Egg – but Holden’s bold innovation marks the first true refinement to the age-old Scotch Egg recipe in more than a century. Indeed, the humble sausagemeat/egg combination hasn’t [...]
Noel’s Election Twenty-Ten Drillbit Part Two
Goebbels Brown hits the road in desperate credibility gambit. It was the political clash that defined a British epoch. In the red corner, belligerent and incoherent, stood Rochdale gran Gillian Duffy, swaddled in a Primark anorak. In the other red corner, punctilious and puffing, with a face like a collapsing tower block, prowled Gordon Brown, [...]
This Shameful Waste of a Beautiful Life Sets an Example to us all
200 job reject does the wrong thing for the right reason. But what a lesson for the ranks of the indolent ‘other’ clogging our town centres. The horrifying loss of a beautiful, blonde, white princess over something as trivial as continual unsuccess at employment wounds all of us in our deepest sensibilities. Nobody should be [...]
Noel’s Election Twenty-Ten Drillbit Part One
Poll of David Cameron Reveals Confusion Among Conservative Leaders